I’ll leave out the part where I sometimes pretend to swordfight with it, because that’s super dangerous and not OK. Especially since the machete’s primary purpose is hacking, and you might think that you don’t have a lot of hacking that you need to do in your life, but you do. All that said, this ismymachete. There are many like it, butthis oneis mine … and it isAWESOME!
“What,” you might ask, “would I possibly do with a machete?”
My answer would be, “Um- what would INOTdo!?”
Think of the machete as the love child of aBush Hogand set of good pruning shears, only way more fun and better exercise. On our property, there are three-ish acres of scrubby woods; it’s scrubby because at least part of it used to be a home site who knows how long ago (don’t worry, we’ve already found the well!), and then it was allowed to grow back up, primarily with thorny vines of catbrier andgreenbrier, between the beautiful trees.
My fantasy of the woods on our property consists of laughing children running and exploring and playing hide-and-seek, not barreling into massive thickets of thorns at every turn, and so whenever I hike there I bring along my machete and slash down the thorns wherever I see them.
Related Post:Best Machete
You can do the same in your yard, wherever something invasive has been left to get REALLY out of control. The previous owner of our house apparently adored theinvasive multiflora rose, and gave it free reign. I can handle one small thicket of the plant (after all, it’s almost time to harvest therose hips!), but three giant masses of it in random spots in our yard, all tangled up with weeds?
是的,没有。
The move is to machete the spot down, then mow over it- but onlyAFTERI’ve harvested therose hips, of course.
If you know me at all, right about now you’re starting to say to yourself, “You’re talking a lot of big talk about garden maintenance right now, Julie, but that doesn’t explain why you keep that machete next to your bed, now does it?”
好吧,我已经开始把弯刀放在床边睡觉了。这是因为,当我独自在家的孩子,一只猫跳表在半夜,我倾向于螺栓清醒思维不是“猫”,但“杀人犯强奸犯,你不能告诉我,我丈夫不认为同样的事情,当他晚上独自在家的孩子,因为你为什么还显示你纪念路易斯维尔重击者木质棒球棒,它随意靠着你的卧室的书架上,方便三个步骤从床上吗?
Now, I’m not blindly hacking in the dark at every single noise (we’d have far fewer cats if I did that, for one thing, and probably at least one fewer child), but you know that scene at the beginning of theDawn of the Dead remake, when the zombie neighbor walks into the heroine’s bedroom and attacks her husband, and then her zombie husband attacks her?
Well, I could probably handle that with my machete.
Mind you, my husband would still totally die during said re-enactment, but I could, at least, keep him from becoming a reanimated corpse and chasing me out of my own house, you know?
Original content from Insteading.
Tinasays
That is awesome! We got Jared a machete a while back for mountain bike trail maintenance, but your reasoning for a machete is WAY more awesome.
You should check out Gracie Jiu-Jitsu for another line of self-defense. It’s one that once you’ve learned it, no one can take it away and use it against you. Plus you get to learn to break limbs and choke people to death with your legs.
Jo Borrassays
ProTip: zombies don’t breathe and breaking their legs just slows them down. That said, in the world we actually inhabit, Gracie Jiu-Jitsu is a super fun way to protect yourself, get fit, and make new friends!
Tinasays
Good point! Apparently I need to brush up on my Zombie Survival Skills :0)